Chopped 50 Merc

Nobody knew where Cobretti got the Mercury. Department records simply listed it as: Vehicle: Black. Year: Older than your excuses. Condition: Extremely angry.

Rumor was he found it behind a closed-down body shop in 1978. It had no engine, no title, and three different VIN numbers. He looked at it once and said, "It'll do." Three weeks later it was back. Nobody asked how. The mechanics stopped asking questions after discovering the car somehow had a supercharged V8 that idled like distant thunder, a trunk full of spare sunglasses, exactly one cassette tape permanently looping Survivors "Eye of the Tiger", and a cup holder that fit nothing except cold coffee and an uncut pepperoni pizza.

His captain hated it. "Cobretti! That thing isn't department issue!"

"It is now."

"It doesn't even have mirrors!" "I know what's behind me."

"It has side-exit exhausts!" "I know."

"The roof has been chopped four inches!" "I know."

"The suspension is scraping the asphalt!" "I know."

"...the license plate just says NOPE." "...I know."

One rookie asked why he didn't just drive the new police cruiser. Cobra looked at him. Then looked at the Mercury. Then back at the rookie. "Because the cruiser says 'Officer.' The Merc says 'You made a mistake.'"

Nobody argued after that.