Colonel Crunchbones (bulldog)
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« Crunch first, questions later. »
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- Printables
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- Pets
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- Creative Commons — Attribution — Noncommercial — NoDerivatives
🐶💥 Colonel Crunchbones
Leader of the Heavy Paw Battalion, Colonel Crunchbones is a bulldog so muscular that scientists still can’t explain how he fits through standard doorways.
Dressed in a blue tactical suit that’s definitely one size too small (he blames “aggressive laundry shrinkage”), he roams the streets wielding a steel chain heavier than most gym memberships.
His expression?
A powerful blend of “I will protect this city” and “Who touched my snacks?”
It’s said that he can make criminals confess simply by politely growling at them.
His secret weapon: the Crunch-Fist™ — a punch so mighty it can straighten a wobbly IKEA shelf without even looking at the manual.
When he’s off-duty, he hosts growling contests, intimidates robot vacuums, and maintains an ongoing feud with mail carriers (who, according to him, “know exactly what they did.”)
In summary:
A hero. A menace. A chunky little legend.
And above all…
👉 Never, EVER touch his food bowl.